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The process of actually travelling with kids is no simple task. It’s one thing once you arrive at your destination, unpack your bags and settle in…but getting there is a whole other story.

Taking trains, planes, taxi’s, and rental cars with small kids is a sweaty undertaking.

The first international trip we took with my daughter was to Mexico when she was 18 months old. My husband and I were still working full-time and were in desperate need of a vacation. We were invited to a destination wedding at a beautiful resort and couldn’t wait for our first family trip. Of course, we wanted some time to ourselves as well, so we invited the grandparents in the hopes of having some built in babysitter hours for us to socialize and enjoy the wedding festivities.

Nothing worked out as planned. My daughter spiked a fever the 2nd day there, the resort physician put her on antibiotics, and she was completely miserable. She wouldn’t stay with anyone but my husband and I and we missed everything except the actual wedding ceremony. We spent the week in our room caring for our daughter, wondering why we had even come.

The day before we were set to fly home she was well enough to start eating meals again and thankfully her recovery allowed for a smooth-ish flight home. As smooth as a flight can be with an 18-month old anyway.

That’s the thing about travelling. Sometimes it just does not turn out to be what you expected. You can plan your heart out and then something goes off track. It doesn’t take much if you get sick, injured, or forget a travel document. When those things happen, whatever plans you made don’t matter anymore.

It was a learning experience for me because it was on this trip when I realized that vacation is more a state of mind than a physical location. When traveling with kids you need to be prepared to be flexible and find joy in the journey. We will never forget that week in the Mexican resort room, watching Disney movies and caring for my sweet sick darling.

Thankfully she recovered well, and I learned a lot about letting go of expectations.

Our approach to travel now, is all about living somewhere else for a short time. We just transplant our daily lives into a new place with the mindset of exploring. I try to let go of the idea of needing to see and do everything. It’s hard sometimes, but it is much less stressful and honestly way more enjoyable.

Although my style of travel has evolved, the process of travelling is a constant. No matter what, if you want to get from Point A to Point B you need to pack a bag, buy a ticket, and board some kind of transportation.

Travelling with small kids changes everything. I don’t just get to settle in with a good book and drink wine on the flight….athough one day I’m sure I will get to do that again… Perhaps by then I’ll probably miss these trips that were full of activity and childish games. I probably won’t play Uno on the floor of the airport lounge, or find out of the way hallways for running races to burn off some energy anymore. I guess when I think about this as a season of my life that will change again one day, it helps me appreciate it now.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way about travelling with kids.

1. Take a deep breath and embrace the journey

I know, I know…. this sounds super corny and something everybody says, but maybe we hear it so much because it’s actually true. No doubt is takes a lot of mental preparation to really embrace the journey. I actually wrote first, that it takes a lot of mental preparation to achieve this state of mind….but I edited it and re wrote it this way, because even saying it as though there is something to achieve is such a North American perspective. It is possible to just live without having anything to prove…. apparently. I’m still working on this.

I spend the days leading up to a trip packing, re-packing, and agonizing over details. It is my personality and I find it helps me to feel prepared and relaxed for when the rubber really hits the road and you start to travel.

When we actually get in the car and head to the airport, my mindset and my pace just slows down. I’m not rushing, I’m excited, and I’m feeling like a fount of patience. When I get into this state of mind, everything is easier. My kids respond better to me, no one gets antsy, and we all laugh easily.

I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m some sort of saint here, it’s a lot of faking it until you make it, but I can honestly say that being forced to endure the often unpleasantness of travel has helped me to find a better way to cope. Rather than being angry and impatient like most of the travellers around us, we choose to be relaxed and have fun. When things go wrong we just say, “well, that’s travelling for you!”.

My husband likes to say “Travelling is like a colonoscopy…..just relax and let it happen”. He’s right. Only difference is you don’t get to take an Ativan.

2. Packing

Organized packing helps! I need to know where everything is in the carry-on bags so there is no searching or re-packing on the go.

I need to have hourly snacks available for the kids (and sometimes me too).

I need to have super fun activity options to feel like I have tricks up my sleeve to keep the family entertained.

Bring refillable water bottles & a change of clothes.

My kids each have their own bag. My daughter likes to choose what coloring books and materials she wants, and my son has a small clear zipper bag that he can fill with the toys he wants for the plane (we always avoid anything with a lot of small pieces that are sure to get lost on an airplane)

3. Make it Exciting for the Kids

If travelling is something to look forward to, and not just the destination, that will make your life way easier. Talk about the fun activities for the plane. You can buy a new colouring book or travel book that they can look forward to using. You can pack their favourite not so healthy snack as a special treat. You can give them UNLIMITED screen time!! Being able to use the ipad as much as they want on the plane is like Christmas for my kids and it makes travelling so fun for them.

Always make sure to download any shows ahead of time.

Audiobooks and story podcasts are also popular with my kids. We can all get tired of watching a screen, so having some quality non-screen activities and entertainment is key.

Consider packing some travel games!

We like to bring a blanket for long flights. There is something about being under a blanket that helps with sleeping on the place.

Invest in good headphones with noise cancelling.

4. Be patient with feelings

We all get hungry and tired, especially when travelling. Try not to take your kids feelings personally. If you are able to give them a hug and acknowledge that travelling is hard, they are more likely to feel heard and will carry on. If you tell them not to feel how they are feeling, it probably will just escalate.

My 4 year old son had a major melt down in the middle of Vancouver Airport when we were waiting there on a layover back to Toronto. We had been flying all night and he didn’t sleep much. As we were walking through a crowded gate area to find a spot to eat the bagels and muffins we bought we looked into his breakfast bag and realized he had a sesame seed bagel NOT a plain bagel. Lord help us because at that moment he just lost it.

It was one of those terrible scenes where your child is having a total tantrum and everyone is looking at you. Of course it is made worse when the tantrum is over something like the type of bagel……you just know everyone is thinking what a privileged little brat! To be honest the thought occurred to me too. I tried to grab his hand and lead him through the crowd to continue his meltdown in a more private location but his response to that was DON’T TOUCH ME and he laid down on the floor. Ugh.

Somehow, I managed to remember that he is 4 and regulating emotions is hard. I also realized he hadn’t slept much and was hungry, and probably feeling frustrated that he wasn’t going to get to eat what he was looking forward to eating. Finding compassion for the small person in front of you when you are also tired, hungry, and now a bit embarrassed is like pedalling a bike through thick mud. It ain’t easy!!

By some miracle, this time I was able to find some compassion. I knelt down beside him and said “ travelling is hard isn’t it”. I rubbed his back for a few minutes while my 6 year old daughter stood beside me with her hand on MY back. I tried not to look around at the judging/pitying eyes. Eventually he sat up. I gave him a hug and then we all kept walking. It was like magic. He just needed to have a minute and let it out, and then because he felt heard…. he was able to rally and keep going. When we got to the spot my husband has scoped out, we scraped off the sesame seeds and he ate without further complaint.

It's not easy. Travelling is hard. As a parent you have to embrace your inner Ghandi, and also recognize that when children have melt downs….they are expressing what most of us are feeling at points during our travel days too…..anger, frustration, exhaustion, impatience, boredom….these emotions happen. Pretending they don’t doesn’t really help anything….but if you hear them out, experience it, and support them…you can carry on…..and even continue to enjoy the journey.

5. Plan your first meals on arrival so there is less stress and hangry family moments

If you are able to scope out where you might have your first meal in your destination, that can be a huge bonus. We have arrived a few times late at night, and if you are heading to a place that is not a hotel, you can’t expect breakfast to be waiting for you in the morning.

I often throw a few protein bars and shakes (i.e. Boost, Pediasure) just so I know we have some energy for the morning before we start exploring and searching for the local grocery store.

Next time you travel, have a look around at all the grumpy and impatient folks, and ask yourself whether you want to be like them….or if you would rather be having a good time just doing what you’re doing with your family. You got this!